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..or was apparently written in 1953.

Last time I posted my resume on monster, I somehow opted in to their Excelle Newsletter which is a career zine for women (get it, “excel + le” to feminize it, since excelling isn’t naturally a feminine quality) and it’s a real sexist piece of crap.

Their most recent feature was “10 Wardrobe Items Every Woman Should Have” which is, of course, just an excuse for links to retailers where you can buy those oh so essential items.

Just the same, is this really necessary:

My Bodygards

Item # 5

A closet staple, the “little black dress” should be made of a sturdy but lightweight fabric like a cotton/rayon blend. Avoid heavy wool fabrics that counteract the slimming effects of the color and limit wear during the warmer seasons.

Because
1. Women look like this when they are walking across the desert
2. Women are too stupid to know, without coaching, that wool will be too hot to wear during the summer (perhaps this is what motivated the desert illustration?)
3. The whole purpose of the little black dress = slimming.
4. And that’s really the most important thing for all women.

They also suggest women own one pair of sneakers for working out and also casual activities like shopping.
Direct damn quote.

Because that’s the only activity women really like. Don’t get me wrong, I know lots of women who love a black dress and can totally rock some shopping. But not a single one of them would list “shopping” first on their “casual activity” lists.

I would understand this from Good Housekeeping or Better Homes and Tighter Vaginas or whatever. But a career website? Really?

And the article had more than 37,000 views so far. I feel like I want to sue Monster for career guidance malpractice. Although I guess technically, promoting stupidity probably isn’t against any actual laws except for the ones I’ve written in my head.

Remember, there’s more likely to be a comment thread on this post at livejournal.com

Cheryl by the treeSMALLERThen you should see the rest of Rainbow Mountain Resort, the gayest homogay places you’ve ever seen. Seriously. Condoms on every horizontal surface and rainbows on all the vertical ones. I wrote a review for AvenueQueer, if you’ve heard me talk about Rainbow Mountain you already know what I have to say, but you’ll still want to see the Very Gay Photos.

A few weeks ago, my girlfriend took me on a tour of Places She Used to Go Before She Got Sober. One of these places was a Williamsburg bar which was formerly an after hours cocaine bar (called…wait for it…Cokie’s) and is now called, I dunno probably “Skinny Jean Haven” or something. She actually did a poetry set there back in the day. At any rate, they had bowls of cheeto balls sitting out that everyone was eating out of and although I didn’t feel like that was a sanitary way to consume cheeto balls, I have been thinking of cheeto balls ever since.

Alas, they are not that easy to find, so I had basically gven up and said “oh who wants stupid cheeto balls anyway.” Then I went to Rite Aid this afternoon, and there right beside the half priced Halloween Candy was a cornocopia of Cheeto Balls. Mmmm. Tasty. Sometimes I think The Secret is totally bullshit, Or maybe just where Cheeto Balls are concerned.

Remember there may be a comment thread on this post on livejournal

Because I’ve been doing a lot of mindless work, fixing stuff on this new site so I’ve been watching or, kind of watching, a number of DVDs lately to keep me mildly entertained while doing tedious tasks. I’ve recently discovered that the Brooklyn Public Library Central Branch has an almost limitless supply of DVDs Only Kelli Could Love. Lots of church history, geography, old old old National Geographic specials, movies that were in the theaters for seven days, self help and inspirational DVDs and OH OH OH the documentaries. This is especially helpful because I’ve watched almost every documentary Netflix offers on demand. Netflix has run out of suggestions and have started telling me I might like the DVDs in the category of “intense indie movies” which are kind of what documentaries mostly are anyway.

Some random observations:
A. Are all older movies homoerotic or just the ones I pick out? I watched Jesus Christ Superstar right after A Chorus Line and I really do think that the former was even gayer than the latter. Which is no small feat considering even the women in A Chorus Line look like gay men.

B. Yes, I know I’m five years behind, but I hadn’t seen any of Trans-Generation and was glad the BPL had the series on their shelves. It’s definitely firmly seated in the Well, That Could Have Been Much Worse category. You know what was intensely weird about that series? How much they showed all the subjects brushing their teeth. I mean, why all the B reel of oral hygiene? That Lucas kid especially, every single time they had a voiceover there he was, toothbrush in hand. Okay LOGO/Sundance, we get it: Transfolk have minty clean breath. There are worse stereotypes, I suppose.

Ahem

We re-post the majority of Kelli’s blog entries here, but because she is a big huge NERD and refuses to leave livejournal (of all things…like it’s 2002) as her primary blogging platform, if you want to see all the action (comments etc) you can also read on LJ.